I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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