I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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