Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My dick has a subreddit
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
