So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
