where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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