you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
