she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
