Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
