Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
