oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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