I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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