Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
