My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
