So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
