I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
