omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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