omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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