She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
