My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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