guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just want to make out with him forever
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
