time to smoke my breakfast
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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