I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
