I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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