i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
