Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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