the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
