I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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