you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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