Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
