4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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