So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize