very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
