I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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