Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
What a fucking waste of an outfit
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
