I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
