"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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