Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
