I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
