I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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