And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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