just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
