I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
