Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
