drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Welp...herpes.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
