Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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