I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
