would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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