Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
