i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
