I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
