i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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