great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
