How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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