Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Randomize
