i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
