She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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