I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
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