I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize