dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
