Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
