didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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