She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
