How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
