There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
