you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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