I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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