Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
