I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
