I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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