Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You're a waste of cheezeits
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
