break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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