I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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