What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Also, beer. Big fan.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
