there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
