Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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