last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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