my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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