I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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