We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
