Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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