Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
