i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
