You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
